I think I'm actually learning how to see in shades of grey instead of simply black and white. This is a momentously big thing ( Read more... )

I am pretty seriously considering taking some people off of my friends list. I do this periodically, but it is generally just because I don't click with or talk to someone and never will or some other similar reason. This time I am considering removing people who have been on my list a long time, some even for years. I've kept all of them on for a ( Read more... )

Actually being generally happy for the first time in my life has helped to give me a better perspective on my depression. I can see it a lot more clearly when I'm not trapped in the middle of it. The first thing I have realized is that my environment is a huge contributor to depression. If it's nighttime, if the light levels are wrong, if I'm ( Read more... )

Fucking hell, seriously, why does life always have to be so goddamn difficult? I just want to be able to relax for a little while and be all right, but the idea that one could do that is probably just a beautiful dream. Or it is for me at least. Or maybe I just need to work even harder instead of whining about how things suck and I just need a ( Read more... )

I am really fucking tired. Tired tired tired. So tired that I have to say it multiple times. I'm tired of being busy and I'm tired of not sleeping enough and I'm tired of having too much to do and not having time to do what I want or even need to do. I am beyond exhausted. I have never consistently slept enough in my life. Seriously. Never. The ( Read more... )

I'm really tired of depression. It just makes everything shitty. I'll spend all this time trying to drag myself out of it, and then with no notice I'm back at the bottom again ( Read more... )

Over the past couple of weeks I have managed to morph my compulsive underachieving into compulsive... achieving. For the most part. Neither is exactly an ideal healthy situation, but it feels good to get stuff done and it feels bad to not get stuff done. And since I am in fact obsessive compulsive, it feels much more natural for me to be doing one ( Read more... )

Sometimes I just want everyone to fuck off. For, like, months at a time. Sometimes talking seems like far more trouble than it's worth. Sometimes the people I care about seem like more trouble than they're worth. And know that I don't honestly believe this, but sometimes I have to be brutally honest about the moods that flash over me. And when I ( Read more... )

Recently there have been many things that I wanted to write about here. I will open a livejournal update page and then, without fail, I am hit by the sudden realization that I do not want to post here. It seems stupid and counterproductive and I can just picture all of you reading it and either laughing your asses off or wondering what the hell ( Read more... )

So I've finally gotten over my year-long Idon'tknowwhatthehellI'mdoingorwhoIamorwhatI'mlikeorwhereIamoranythinglikethat thing. So I can get back to working on all the problems I had before. I still have most of the same problems (and a whole bunch of others which I never really noticed before), but I am NOT the same person. Not at all. I feel like ( Read more... )